Things That Make You Say EWW: Hairy Hotel Sheets

View from Ecola State Park looking South to Cannon Beach
Photo: Debbie Simorte

My friend Kelly and I decided on impulse to take a trip to Cannon Beach, Oregon, and had plane tickets and a room reserved before either of us had time to change our minds.

We chose a studio apartment due to its location and the fact that with the kitchenette, we could save a little money by not eating every meal out.

When we arrived, we went to an art gallery to check in and pick up the key, as instructed via email. The gallery was open, but nobody was there. We backtracked, to another gallery owned by the same people. It appeared nobody was there either. We said "Helloooooooooo?" as Kelly spotted a young man in a dark back room, using a laptop.

He came out, checked us in, and gave us two keys.

As soon as we walked in, Kelly went to the bed and pulled the blankets back. I half expected her to pull a black light out of her bag, what with all the investigative TV she watches. There were hairs on the sheets.

The beach was calling but we had to find the guy and get some clean sheets. He said there could not be hair on the bed because the place had been cleaned. We said we'd like some sheets.

He followed us back to the room and then disappeared into a secret, locked room across the hall. Then he tapped on our door and came in with some sheets. Not a set of sheets, but a flat sheet and a couple of pillow cases. Kelly showed him the bed, and he said, and I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP,

"Well, that's residual hair. The sheets were changed this morning, so it must be the cleaning peoples'."

OH THAT! Okay, sleeping on cleaning-people hair is fine, just wanted to make sure we weren't sleeping in previous-guest hair. And residual? Can it be residual hair and cleaning-people hair? Do the cleaning people drop a LOT of hair, but manage to remove most of it?

Kelly unfolded the sleeper sofa while the guy who has never heard of customer service watched. It was clean. No hair, residual or otherwise.

We took a long walk on the beach until deciding to head back and change for dinner. I mean, we were gone a long time. We were about three steps inside our door, when someone was knocking. It was the nut who sits in the dark and thinks residual hair is cool.

How did he know the exact moment that we returned?

He wanted to know if we were going to use the clean sheets or not, as he wanted them back. We gave him some residual sheets, and didn't see or hear from him again.