Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Local Blogger Rushed to Hospital

Blue Springs, MO

Local near-celebrity, Mary Beth Sutton, known for her blog, Mary, Me was taken by ambulance to the hospital on Monday after suffering what she described to followers (before calling 911) as “traumatic heart attack symptoms.”

After testing, doctors at St. Luke’s South determined that Ms. Sutton had no heart problems, and had most likely experienced a panic attack.

In the interest of being thorough and avoiding a med-mal lawsuit, St. Luke’s staff asked many questions.

What had she eaten for breakfast? What medications did she take? What was she doing when the symptoms started? How would she be paying for this visit?

Ms. Sutton explained that her morning was normal. She’d made herself some buttered toast, took a selfie with it, and posted to social media. Then she worked out to a Sweatin’ with the Oldies video, took a selfie, and posted to social media. Then she went to Starbucks, taking a selfie in the car, then another one with the barista, and in the car again, this time getting the temperature gauge in the shot, and posted each of those.

Ms. Sutton stated that once home, she trimmed her toenails and jumped in the shower.

"And that’s when the trouble started."

“Your symptoms started in the shower?” asked the photogenic doctor.

“Well, yes. I love your scrubs. I was shampooing my hair and wondering if I should change my facebook profile picture again when I realized I forgot to take a selfie of my toenails. Suddenly I was short of breath and lightheaded and my heart rate got weird. Totes weird.”

“I see,” said the doctor. “I’m going to recommend rest and I want you to seriously consider counseling.”

“I don’t nee- Wait! That would make for a great blog series! Mind if I get a pic of us by the EKG equipment?”

Ms. Sutton got the photo, but did not get counseling, justifying her actions by saying, online, "It's social media or cat collecting or self-medicating or something, you know? And hey! I refuse to let my followers down! So here's a selfie of me drinking some water - enjoy!"