tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55360916319212484312024-02-08T14:48:32.609-06:00Writing the Life ChaoticDebhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.comBlogger121125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-3930295496123464872016-12-22T19:05:00.000-06:002016-12-22T19:05:20.465-06:00We Are All Liars<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Dad had told me
for three years that my daughter had to know there is no Santa. Suggested she
was playing me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">“How? She’ll
still get the goods when she knows.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">“But <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">she</i> doesn’t know that.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Ah. A father’s
wisdom. I was a single mom, often broke, but the kid always got what she wanted
from Santa and something from me, too. Maybe Dad was right and she played along
to ensure she got what she wanted, but I believed— that she believed— until the
Christmas she was nine.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">As the holiday
approached, she and her friends made lots of Santa jokes, talked about
classmates who said there’s no Santa, and sometimes outright called me Santa
through their giggles.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">I was sitting at
the kitchen table one evening when my daughter climbed up on my lap and said,
“I know. Just tell me.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">“Tell you what?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">“You. Santa.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">“Really? You
know?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Eye roll.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">I sighed and
told her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">She ran to her
room, dived into bed, rolled to the wall and repeatedly banged her head against
it, all while sobbing, of course.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">She screamed
that I was a liar, that she could never trust adults again—You are ALL liars! —and
how could your<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> own mother</i> deceive you
so?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">I quietly
explained that Santa is real, he lives in our hearts, it’s a loving tradition,
and all that crap, while feeling like the shittiest mother ever.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">It seemed to
calm her. She caught her breath, stopped bawling, and hugged her stuffed rabbit.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Then she bolted
upright, startled, and screamed, “Oh my God, the Easter Bunny!” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Jesus, it was a
long night.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">And yes, we had
to cover that, too.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-68016087622678742172016-10-18T20:31:00.003-05:002016-10-18T20:31:55.553-05:00Random Tuesday Rants<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I saw the Dump Truck—er—Trump Train, today. As I sat in my parked car trying to make my phone take just one more photo, rescue sirens blared as ambulance, fire, and police arrived at McDonald's, where the truck touting, "Melania 2024!" was parked.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">They weren't there for me, so I assume there is at least one other democrat in this town and they happened to be inside getting a side of fries to go with that when they had an aneurism or some such thing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">May we all have a speedy recovery after November 8.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">*****</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've mentioned before that I'm in a couple swap-and-shop groups on Facebook. The posts are nearly as baffling as Craigslist ads. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The locals use these groups for everything from asking what time a store closes to ranting about getting fired to searching for a pit bull to breed with theirs, 'cause God knows there's good profit to be made before those pups end up in shelters.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">People use the groups to look for jobs. I don't mind the posts asking for odd jobs - I've even saved some for later from those looking to paint or remove brush or clean windows, etc. I am irritated by those looking to be hired for a permanent job who share posts like this:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-size: large;">Me and girlfriend are in need of a job and we where wondering who is Hiring in platte city or close by</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">Well, I'll tell you who isn't hiring. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">*****</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">I couldn't sleep last night. At 3 a.m. I was thinking about FLOTUS. Specifically that FL = First Lady, so it only makes sense that Bill Cinton would become the First Gentleman, thus, FGOTUS. I can't say FGOTUS. I need an acronym I can say, people.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">*****</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">I did say this yesterday: "Sir, would you show her how to put gravy on mashed potatoes?" Not my proudest moment, but dang, I could write a whole post about watching that woman trying to dish up my deli dinner. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">It was nearly as rough as watching the Trump Train.</span></span>Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-86854044789188414232016-09-17T00:34:00.000-05:002016-09-17T00:34:19.165-05:00Goin' Postal<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I’ve been a real slacker about blogging lately. Easily
distracted and all that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My neighbor removed the Mitt and Cruz and Trump bumper
stickers from his truck. He’s trying to sell it, and honestly I don’t know why
he bothered removing the stickers because around these parts most fine citizens
would pay extra for that bullshit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My HOA forbids yard signs, so the neighbors, being clever
buggers, paste Trump signs in their bedroom windows. Why, why, I ask you?</span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PX9PgyJWTL0/V9zAvf2QK5I/AAAAAAAABIo/qwjFEnybKl4LS_Y__xqtZBVyRobP7ojnQCLcB/s1600/0001-40416898.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PX9PgyJWTL0/V9zAvf2QK5I/AAAAAAAABIo/qwjFEnybKl4LS_Y__xqtZBVyRobP7ojnQCLcB/s400/0001-40416898.jpg" width="400" /></a>v bgtyte4 hb</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Yesterday I visited my local Goin’ Postal. I had an eBay
item to ship and some books to donate for the book exchange (Of course they were for the book exchange. Would you donate books to a cookie exchange?). The owners are
good people and do much for the community—someone in a T-Rex costume is running
around outside as I write this—speaking of being distracted. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I took my turn at the counter as another customer was
asking the owners if they make political yard signs. The lady helping me said,
“No, just go up the street to Republican, UH…or Democrat…headquarters.” The
customer laughed and assured her she was right the first time. The husband-owner
said, “Yeah, we’re all Platte Countians!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I cleared my throat, then said, “Can you make a sign that
says, 'Sorry About My Neighbors'?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The owners laughed, the other customer did not. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">***</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I read an <a href="http://www.kspr.com/content/news/Missouris-Stand-Your-Ground-law-expanded-too-393624141.html">article</a> about the new updates to MO Stand Your
Ground gun laws just to make sure I understand this. I did. I do. Our lawmakers
and most citizens should be ashamed. Or shot. Oh wait—that could sound like a
threat and I’m not the threatening kind. Make love not war and all that, but
holy baby kittens, things just piss me off lately.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So here are the updates:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">* Now anyone in your home can stand your ground. Such a
relief to know that while you’re out shopping for more guns and camo, your
cleaning lady or babysitter or handyman can legally shoot anyone that they feel
is a threat. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">* You and/or other defenders of your home and person are no
longer required to have a permit to conceal carry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SMDH.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">* You can now Stand Your Ground even if you are not on your
ground. That’s right folks. If you’re out shoppin’ at the Piggly Wiggly and
feelin’ all warm and fuzzy knowin’ your home is safe because the lawn dude is
there and packin’, and while loadin’ up your groceries you FEEL THREATENED
(this is usually defined as “see someone who doesn’t look exactly like you”)
you can shoot them. No problem here in the shoot me state.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This law is called the Castle Doctrine but the guy who wrote
the article inadvertently called it the Castle Coctrine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Think about that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">***</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I invited complete strangers to my home today. It’s common
practice when selling things online to toss the stuff in the car and meet in a
public place for safety. But now they can legally shoot me in public if they
feel threatened by an old woman holding a chrome rooster, right? So what the
hell. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Besides, I have a plan and it’s working beautifully: I post a few nice
items at cheap prices and wait. Today’s first reply was from a man who wanted
to see all items. He sent his number, so I called. His wife answered and asked
if I wanted to meet in public. I told her they should just come and look, as I
had more. So. Much. More. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">They took turns making piles of stuff they liked and telling
stories (the tractor slipping out of gear and crashing into the law office
where I used to work was a good one). They filled their SUV and my wallet and
asked me to call them first as I find more treasure.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The next lady came for one $5 item, bought two more, and
messaged later asking if she can come back tomorrow. Yes. Yes, she can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Mama wants to fund a vacation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Don’t think of robbing me while I’m gone, though. The pet
sitter might be packing.</span></div>
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-22199728071354401392016-08-11T13:50:00.000-05:002016-08-11T13:50:06.149-05:00Small Town Big News<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes life is just too good for words.</span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Bv-rjRRjnTc/V6zGcY_b45I/AAAAAAAABIE/iAssrwfIbccHI4QqxV2uY2_abesYifJ8gCEw/s1600/13886311_10207456171144976_2544806808818960229_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Bv-rjRRjnTc/V6zGcY_b45I/AAAAAAAABIE/iAssrwfIbccHI4QqxV2uY2_abesYifJ8gCEw/s400/13886311_10207456171144976_2544806808818960229_n.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gG1GjscXe0I/V6zGQvMVJeI/AAAAAAAABIA/iN_uymi0xTs3lY9E1ufqQVRZg1ieOajtQCEw/s1600/IMG_6668.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="388" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gG1GjscXe0I/V6zGQvMVJeI/AAAAAAAABIA/iN_uymi0xTs3lY9E1ufqQVRZg1ieOajtQCEw/s640/IMG_6668.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-7206709326739131342016-08-04T21:34:00.001-05:002016-08-04T21:39:33.870-05:00Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-84490247507313764842016-08-04T21:34:00.000-05:002016-08-04T21:39:20.479-05:00Small Town Big News<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Karl Lee Kornacky Gets Committed</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
by Debbie Turner, roaming reporter</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Lifelong area resident Karl Lee Kornacky <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>checked in at Three Rivers Mental Health
Hospital on Tuesday for evaluation and treatment after months of what family
and neighbors referred to as “damn strange behavior.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Karl Lee’s wife of forty years, Debra, said it all started
when they moved from their rural place with “room to roam,” and into a
maintenance-provided community with a home owner’s association.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Everything was fine until the Kornackys received notice from
the HOA that their mailbox, bearing resemblance to a large-mouth bass, violated
Section 4.215 of the Covenants and Restrictions, and if said mailbox was not returned
to normal standards in the community within 30 days, fines would be imposed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Mr. Kornacky responded by installing a clothesline (which
violates Section 17.938 of the C&Rs) in his front yard, and hanging
everything from undergarments to squirrel carcasses to political signs (Section
32.460) on it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The next notice from the HOA stated that fines for the
clothesline and signs would accrue daily until removed, and reminded him that
he was still in violation of Section 4.215.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Taking note that there were no rules regarding undergarments
and carcasses, Karl Lee removed the clothesline and Ted Cruz signs. Mrs.
Kornacky tells us she first became concerned for her husband’s health when he
displayed the signs. “Gosh, it’s like he didn’t even know Cruz dropped out
months ago,” she said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Karl Lee then replaced the mailbox with a white, compliant
model and stapled the squirrels (tails up, staple at tips) and underwear to the
post, in an alternating and overlapping fashion. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The neighbor to the east, Bob Sanders, said, “It was nothin’
to write home about until the wind came up. But then, THEN, it was really
somethin’. Danged squirrel heads and they little front legs risin’up and
peekin’ over the tops of briefs and through the leg openin’s of panties, and
some of ‘em wearin’ bra cups like little hats. I tell ya, it was just like
watchin’ synchronized swimmin’, only better!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The HOA sent a certified letter demanding the mailbox be
brought in compliance with Section 4.215 immediately or a lien would be placed
on the property. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Karl Lee removed the carcasses and undergarments and left
them piled on the curb for trash pickup, in violation of Section 6.559 of the
Covenants and Restrictions.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This went on for months, with Karl Lee's antics growing
more outrageous with every letter from the HOA. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Kornackys finally decided to move, but accumulated liens
on their house from the HOA made it nearly impossible. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It all ended when the Karnacky children arrived for a
surprise visit, and found Karl Lee in the back yard, along with twenty head of
cattle, a vicious dog, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>two
emus he’d recently purchased at auction.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Dad’s a good
guy,” the eldest son said. “He just gets a little carried away. As I left his
hospital room a while ago, he was asking for three Powerball tickets and a cabochon
monkey.”</span></div>
Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-30662449856452687272016-07-13T21:48:00.000-05:002016-07-13T21:48:42.128-05:00Weirdo Wednesday<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">A woman came to the door and I’m tellin’ ya, she’d practiced
her enthusiasm so hard I thought she was gonna have an orgasm on the porch as
she handed me a bag of Tide Pods while saying, “You’re a good neighbor!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I said, “What are you trying to sell?<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She said, “Nothing! I don’t sell anything!” with that
high-pitched excitement. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">She wanted to show me how great Kirby is by cleaning my
carpet. I told her I’m buying new carpet and why bother?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">As the cat slipped out she said, “Just let me vacuum?” Now
THAT I should have taken her up on. I should have let her deep clean the carpet, actually,
but I’d feel a little guilty accepting a free offer that isn’t intended to be
free at all, even though they lie to you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">She grabbed Damcat and tossed her back in, then said, “Can I
have those pods back?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-size: large;">***</span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My cell isn’t working. I’ll just add it to the list:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">AC</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dishwasher</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Two laptops</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Knees</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Master shower (how does everything except one shower get hot water?)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">iPhone</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">***</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I had to make a run for dog food and Half and Half again.
They had Clos du Bois cabernet on sale, so I grabbed a bottle. At checkout it
didn’t ring up. I said, “It’s $10.99.” The cashier said, “Shh,” then rang it up
at $3.99. Either he likes old women with bad joints who always look pissed, or he (more likely) pitied me based on appearance.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">***</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Now I’d add a nice photo of Tide Pods or Damcat or wine, if
things were working. Maybe say Kirby a few more times for SEO.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Screw it. I'll have some wine and vacuum.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-26492373772559263722016-06-03T18:39:00.001-05:002016-06-03T18:39:09.253-05:00Note To The House Guest<br />
<br />
<br />
Debora Palmer's poem, "<a href="http://www.rattle.com/note-to-the-house-sitter-by-debora-palmer/">Note To The House Sitter</a>" is a favorite. I tried to write a standard post about everything that's going wrong just before company comes, but it ended up as a note.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UB1VAzyJ4y4/V1ITL0E0P4I/AAAAAAAABHI/J49haCAkmPE-amPiavoRrp0Ieb-_nTM9ACLcB/s1600/IMG_6499.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UB1VAzyJ4y4/V1ITL0E0P4I/AAAAAAAABHI/J49haCAkmPE-amPiavoRrp0Ieb-_nTM9ACLcB/s320/IMG_6499.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I need to tell you the dog is filthy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">because the flaky groomer never shows as scheduled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Please don’t mention it,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">as she (the dog, not the groomer) is highly sensitive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The cat will ignore you,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">until you want to be ignored.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Don’t open the kitchen window – <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">there are ten wasps trapped between the glass and screen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The AC in the car hasn't worked in two years.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">When <g class="gr_ gr_37 gr-alert gr_spell gr_disable_anim_appear ContextualSpelling ins-del multiReplace" data-gr-id="37" id="37">June</g> bugs knock on the back door, do not open it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The howling at night comes from coyotes,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">less frightening than the neighbor next door,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">who ties her yapping dog out for hours at a time,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">and the republicans across the street. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The clothes dryer beeps at random.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You can watch Netflix on the iMac in your room<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">if you can figure it out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I highly recommend Grace and Frankie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">That reminds me to stock up.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You’ll need a drink.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-83968438271332808492016-05-20T22:36:00.000-05:002016-05-20T22:36:11.906-05:00Small Town Big News<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TUkXemrIN1E/Vz_Oma1aEcI/AAAAAAAABGk/PVqBodgID4cZY2So3YxhUaRRZ_GSMmgaACLcB/s1600/148bc3579f9e41da425264c779f2f837.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TUkXemrIN1E/Vz_Oma1aEcI/AAAAAAAABGk/PVqBodgID4cZY2So3YxhUaRRZ_GSMmgaACLcB/s320/148bc3579f9e41da425264c779f2f837.jpg" width="209" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The Citizen</span></div>
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Complete County Coverage</div>
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May 20/Debbie Turner, Reporter</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Local Arrested After Fight Breaks Out at Yard Sale</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Local pet groomer Mary Jo Mullins was arrested Saturday, May
14 after an altercation with another shopper at a yard sale. Police were called
to the scene at 9 a.m. by a homeowner in Fox Creek, who was selling the hell
out of used baby clothes and empty Avon bottles. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Police, fire department personnel, ambulance, KCTV3 camera
crews, and more bargain hunters arrived on scene
within minutes to find an Excelsior Springs woman rolling around in the grass with
a bloody broken nose and Mullins waving a rusty rake around and yelling, “That
salt shaker was MINE!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Witnesses confirmed that Mary Jo and the other shopper
spotted a set of vintage pink poodle salt and pepper shakers at the same time.
As Mary Jo was examining the female’s stopper, the other woman grabbed the male
off the table, and that’s when the fight started. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Mullins was released on bond in time to bathe Ziggy Martin’s
black lab at 11 a.m. and has a court date of June 7. The Excelsior Springs woman was treated and released, and when reached for comment said, "Those salt and pepper shakers will cost her a pretty penny now."<o:p></o:p></div>
Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-71541345357755960312016-04-27T23:35:00.000-05:002016-04-27T23:42:12.102-05:00Small Town Big News<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j931tzCOGQ8/VyGNX4QkFII/AAAAAAAABGQ/IOq_HvH7T1Mit7Sm0siX4nFH4RsHs8n6QCLcB/s1600/Screenshot2011-06-01at120601PM.png%257Ec200.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-j931tzCOGQ8/VyGNX4QkFII/AAAAAAAABGQ/IOq_HvH7T1Mit7Sm0siX4nFH4RsHs8n6QCLcB/s320/Screenshot2011-06-01at120601PM.png%257Ec200.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">The Citizen</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Complete County Coverage</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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April 27/Debbie Turner, Reporter<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Shitty Old Resident Finally Dies</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Local old codger Richard (Dick) Duddy passed away
belligerently at his home on Monday of an apparent heart attack while standing
in his front yard and yelling at kids three doors down not to come near his
grass. He was 72 years, 6 months, 2 days, and 8 hours old. He leaves his wife, Delores,
of the home and three children, Mark, Beth, and Diane, who have been waiting.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Richard was a lifelong resident of Platte County. He enjoyed
building fences, burning bridges, and writing letters to the editor of The
Citizen. According to those letters Richard was an expert in county government,
proper farming techniques, HOA legal terminology, feral cats, and everything else. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Visitation will be on Thursday from 2:00 to 2:10 p.m. at Pineview Drive-In Church and Theatre with
private services to follow (come back that evening to see Two Mules for Sister Sara). The family requests that in lieu of flowers,
contributions be made to Mr. Duddy’s nonprofit organization, Make Platte County
Tolerable Again. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-16449765384622002862016-04-20T15:26:00.000-05:002016-04-20T15:26:09.357-05:00Back in the Saddle<br />
<br />
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0LKuVVG0Sik/UlODms5ef_I/AAAAAAAAAUc/WAsPdEohW6E/s1600/steven_tyler_singing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0LKuVVG0Sik/UlODms5ef_I/AAAAAAAAAUc/WAsPdEohW6E/s320/steven_tyler_singing.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“CALL NOW TO WIN!” Skid Roadie was screaming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reached to turn off the radio, but as
I did, I heard something about Aerosmith. My love for Steven Tyler trumped my
dread of crowds and loathing for DJs with stupid names, so I dialed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re a winner! You’ve scored Aerosmith tickets! Listen
Monday morning when we draw for the VIP prize!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t listen Monday morning. My employer didn’t allow
such frivolities. But I won- upgraded tickets, parking, and a hoodie signed by
the band. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My boss said he was going too. I took pleasure in the fact
that he had lawn seats five miles from the stage. For one day of my life,
security would keep him away from me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He wanted to buy my hoodie to score points with his
girlfriend. He should have considered this prior to my last performance review.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I invited my daughter. “What’s an Aerosmith?” she
asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I invited my coworker,
whom we shall call Marlene. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the night of the big show, I tied my sweatshirt around my
waist, hoping to look young and hip (if only from the back), and we were off to
the Route of All Evil Tour. The boss called to say he was parking, and to look
for him. We wanted to look for him as badly as he wanted to give us two days
off at Christmas.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The amphitheater was packed - with old people. Except the
teen seated next to me, whose dad had brought her along as paybacks for taking
her to see the Spice Girls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We got $10 beers in Dixie cups, swore we wouldn’t pay that
price for more, and out came Motley Crue to open the show. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Motorcycles revved onstage to “Louder than Hell.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
A racy video played as they sang “Girls, Girls, Girls” and
just as I was thinking, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hey, I have those
same underpants</i>, Marlene suggested we go for another $10 beer. We did, but
we swore we wouldn’t pay that price for more.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The boss kept calling my cell. Ignoring him, well…rocked. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Back at our seats, the Motley Screamers were wrapping up and
the fans were fired up with Aerosmith anticipation.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What’s that smell?” Marlene said too loudly. A guy behind
me that looked like my uncle Norbert tried to pass me a joint, and spilled his
drink on my autographed shirt. Aerosmith took the stage and opened with
“Cryin.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Marlene poked my arm and showed me her phone; seven missed
calls from the boss. When the band got to “Eat the Rich,” she hit the call back
button and dropped the cell in her purse. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I found my lighter and waved it, before realizing that not
all of those iPhones in the air were snapping photos. The kid next to me looked
nervous, like I might be getting ready to set her hair on fire. So I decided to
go get a couple more $10 beers. Marlene stayed put, to guard my booze-soaked
hoodie and wait for a song she recognized.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I squeezed out of our row, Tyler sang “Baby Please Don’t
Go,” and I knew he loved me back. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ten minutes later, I returned with our beers. The crowd had
shoved forward. I couldn’t spot Marlene. As I made my way along trying to count
rows, a security guy (dude looked like a lady) shoved past, telling me to stay
back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where my seat used to be, there was a pileup. It looked like
a football game and the guys on the bottom were wrestling for the ball. Tyler
was crooning, “I don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.” Marlene must have missed this by
going to the restroom. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Security circled the pileup; first they pulled the guy that
looked like Uncle Norbert from the stack. Next was the father-daughter team,
then people that used to stand in front of us. Finally, just as Aerosmith
started “Jaded,” Marlene and our boss were dragged to their feet by a couple of
buff young men, who led them away. Clutching my hoodie, Marlene mouthed, “Meet
me at the car.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The show was ending- I chugged my $10 beer and Marlene’s too
before the lights came up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The final encore was “Walk This Way.” I was 22 again. I
danced, I sang, I understood life. Then I was off to find Marlene. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Heading home, Marlene explained that she was just standing
there trying to figure out Joe Perry’s hair when she was grabbed from behind. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I thought it was the old stoned guy! ‘Til he grabbed your
hoodie and tried to climb into your chair – then the chair collapsed and I
swear I was just gonna help him up and get your hoodie off the nasty ground,
but then all those people were on us.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She mentioned I’d have to cover her next 37 sick days
without complaint.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Monday morning, we were called to our boss’s office before
the coffee brewed. We each got a rave albeit impromptu performance review, and
a large bonus, too. If we promised to sign a confidentiality agreement.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dream On.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<!--EndFragment-->Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-64530519586231735342016-04-11T23:18:00.000-05:002016-04-11T23:18:22.414-05:00Ouch, ouch!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-i0lbyq2SV-A/Vwxpxbv4WmI/AAAAAAAABF8/kprwYRmiVdQ0kUPM0rSbULtOERjPWK9OQCLcB/s1600/I.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-i0lbyq2SV-A/Vwxpxbv4WmI/AAAAAAAABF8/kprwYRmiVdQ0kUPM0rSbULtOERjPWK9OQCLcB/s1600/I.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span> <span style="font-size: large;">is for Itaiitai. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Itaiitai is also often spelled itai itai, or itai-itai.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Here's a tidbit from The Superior Person's Book of Words, by Peter Bowler:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">ITAIITAI n. A bone disease caused by cadmium. Said to be derived from the Japanese equivalent for "Ouch, ouch!" The interest of this to the lexicographer lies in the possibility of forming similar neologisms in English to provide more directly meaningful names for other diseases and conditions. Thus, "Eek, eek!" for arachnophobia; "Er, er" for aphasia; "Unh, unh!" for constipation; "Ha, ha!" for alopecia; "Oh, no!" for impotence; and so on.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s56Ubf7ych4/UsjJNNt0hgI/AAAAAAAAAok/rmyWLVFlFtQbxmO6yQu_1v34K-B1yuFZA/s1600/stall-feet-bathroom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s56Ubf7ych4/UsjJNNt0hgI/AAAAAAAAAok/rmyWLVFlFtQbxmO6yQu_1v34K-B1yuFZA/s320/stall-feet-bathroom.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Unh, unh!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Now I'm having fun coming up with my own names. How about "Eww, eww!" for halitosis?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Wanna play? Got any meaningful names for a disease or condition?</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-54239732940362780872016-04-11T21:59:00.000-05:002016-04-11T21:59:07.257-05:00A Happy Place<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vlh1HCTwpRE/Vwxf04RWCgI/AAAAAAAABFQ/syCMAb1MHmwPDTdJhLtfBYVXQsSM1UVIg/s1600/H.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vlh1HCTwpRE/Vwxf04RWCgI/AAAAAAAABFQ/syCMAb1MHmwPDTdJhLtfBYVXQsSM1UVIg/s1600/H.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">H</span> is for Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach, Oregon.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HSTg2OEZ8aI/UmbJGridcyI/AAAAAAAAAok/qp7l_Q8Fr7A8q9p2-zfGAhOkWyoh3ilvw/s1600/1017547_10201681216818052_1041072536_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HSTg2OEZ8aI/UmbJGridcyI/AAAAAAAAAok/qp7l_Q8Fr7A8q9p2-zfGAhOkWyoh3ilvw/s640/1017547_10201681216818052_1041072536_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Uz3scZtOFQk/UmbKOpnHVJI/AAAAAAAAAok/X1wyDcn8aqEWh3XqEzZbEZKT_oF-AkPwA/s1600/IMG_1056.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Uz3scZtOFQk/UmbKOpnHVJI/AAAAAAAAAok/X1wyDcn8aqEWh3XqEzZbEZKT_oF-AkPwA/s640/IMG_1056.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-68423235740864691232016-04-08T13:11:00.001-05:002016-04-08T13:11:19.797-05:00Wise Words <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lnrhw33TOvU/Vwfnj04rx-I/AAAAAAAABE4/1deJ1fC55zwiSybWVeuUxCqVA1Ip7cuUQ/s1600/G.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lnrhw33TOvU/Vwfnj04rx-I/AAAAAAAABE4/1deJ1fC55zwiSybWVeuUxCqVA1Ip7cuUQ/s1600/G.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">G</span> is for Elizabeth Gilbert<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Gilbert shared the following post to Facebook this morning and it got me to thinking about the NOT THIS times in my life.<br />
<br />
I moved from my parents' home the week I turned 18. At 29 I said NOT THIS to my marriage. I've said it to a few toxic relationships and to living in the wrong place(s). I'm sure I haven't seen my last NOT THIS moment.<br />
<br />
I've known many people who can't say NOT THIS because there is no Plan B. They stay in a bad relationship until another is lined up because they fear being alone, or they think they can't leave a miserable job for a multitude of reasons, or they can't move because, whatever.<br />
<br />
It's scary, starting over, and that's exactly what saying NOT THIS is. But what if you don't?<br />
<br />
Here's Gilbert's post:<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Dear Ones -</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Most of us, at some point in our lives (unless we have done everything perfectly...which is: nobody) will have to face a terrible moment in which we realize that we have somehow ended up in the wrong place — or at least, in a very bad place.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Maybe we will have to admit that we are in the wrong job. Or the wrong relationship. With the wrong people around us. Living in the wrong neighborhood. Acting out on the wrong behaviors. Using the wrong substances. Pretending to believe things that we no longer believe. Pretending to be something we were never meant to be.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
This moment of realization is seldom fun. In fact, it's usually terrifying.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
I call this moment of realization: NOT THIS.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Because sometimes that's all you know, at such a moment.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
All you know is: NOT THIS.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Sometimes that's all you CAN know.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
All you know is that some deep life force within you is saying, NOT THIS, and it won't be silenced.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Your body is saying: "NOT THIS."</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Your heart is saying: "NOT THIS."</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
Your soul is saying: "NOT THIS."</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
But your brain can't bring itself to say "NOT THIS", because that would cause a serious problem. The problem is: You don't have a Plan B in place. This is the only life you have. This is the only job you have. This is the only spouse you have. This is the only house you have. Your brain says, "It may not be great, but we have to put up with it, because there are no other options." You're not sure how you got here — to this place of THIS — but you sure as hell don't know how to get out...</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
So your brain says: "WE NEED TO KEEP PUTTING UP WITH THIS, BECAUSE THIS IS ALL WE HAVE."</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
But still, beating like a quiet drum, your body and your heart and your soul keep saying: NOT THIS...NOT THIS...NOT THIS.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
I think some of the bravest people I have ever met were people who had the courage to say the words, "NOT THIS" outloud — even before they had an alternative plan.</div>
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People who walked out of bad situations without knowing if there was a better situation on the horizon.</div>
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People who looked at the life they were in, and they said, "I don't know what my life is supposed to be...but it's NOT THIS." And then they just...left.</div>
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I think my friend who walked out of a marriage after less than a year, and had to move back in with her mother (back into her childhood bedroom), and face the condemnation of the entire community while she slowly created a new life for herself. Everyone said, "If he's not good enough for you, who will be?" She didn't know. She didn't know anything about what her life would look like now. But it started with her saying: NOT THIS.</div>
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I think of my friend who took her three young children away from a toxic marriage, despite that fact that her husband supported her and the kids financially...and the four of them (this woman and her three children) all slept in one bed together in a tiny studio apartment for a few years, while she struggled to build a new life. She was poor, she was scared, she was alone. But she had to listen to the voices within her that said, NOT THIS.</div>
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I think of friends who walked out of jobs — with no job waiting for them. Because they said NOT THIS.</div>
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I think of friends who quit school, rather than keep pretending that they cared about this field of study anymore. And yes, they lost the scholarship. And yes, they ended up working at a fast food restaurant, while everyone else was getting degrees. And yes, it took them a while to figure out where to go next. But there was a relief at last in just surrendering to the holy, non-negotiable truth of NOT THIS.</div>
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I think of friends who bravely walked into AA meetings and just fell apart in front of a room full of total strangers, and said, NOT THIS.</div>
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I think of a friend who pulled her children out of Sunday School in the middle of church one Sunday because she'd had it with the judgment and self-righteousness of this particular church. Yes, it was her community. Yes, it was her tribe. But she physically couldn't be in that building anymore without feeling that she would explode. She didn't know where she was going, spiritually or within her community, but she said, NOT THIS. And walked out.</div>
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Rationally, it's crazy to abandon a perfectly good life (or at least a familiar life) in order to jump into a mystery. No sane person would advise you to make such a leap, with no Plan B in place. We are supposed to be careful. We are supposed to be prudent.</div>
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And yet....</div>
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And yet.</div>
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If you keep ignoring the voices within you that say NOT THIS, just because you don't know what to do, instead...you may end up stuck in NOT THIS forever.</div>
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You don't need to know where you are going to admit that where you are standing right now is wrong.</div>
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The bravest thing to say can be these two words.</div>
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What comes next?</div>
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I don't know. You don't know. Nobody knows. It might be worse. It might be better. But whatever it is...? It's NOT THIS.</div>
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ONWARD,<br />LG</div>
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Good stuff, eh? If you haven't read Gilbert's book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Big-Magic-Creative-Living-Beyond/dp/1594634718">Big Magic</a>, what are you waiting for? </div>
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Do tell, what was your biggest NOT THIS?</div>
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-55869675611956216182016-04-07T18:20:00.000-05:002016-04-07T18:20:15.473-05:00Spring Cleaning Fun<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xW3rBK18CEQ/VwbhTccjmzI/AAAAAAAABEc/QpwiSwUmVqMn2p2LTYnw4tKzwpx0yBaig/s1600/F.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xW3rBK18CEQ/VwbhTccjmzI/AAAAAAAABEc/QpwiSwUmVqMn2p2LTYnw4tKzwpx0yBaig/s1600/F.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">F</span><span style="font-size: large;"> is for Fun with Fur.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Let's get crafty while spring cleaning. Let me assure you we aren't making anything from rabbit fur or fox fur or any fur from any animal that ugly humans kill for profit. That's just wrong.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Nope. I'm talking home decor you can make from things you already have on hand. Like dog fur.</span><br />
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<u><span style="font-size: large;">You'll need:</span></u><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">An old boring pillow you don't use any more</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Plastic wrap</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Glue</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Dog fur</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Check under the beds and behind the sofa for wads of hair your pets dropped off. If you are left short, phone a friend. A local groomer was happy to provide me with fur. A friend with six large dogs mailed a package, with love, from her pets.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Wrap the pillow in plastic wrap. This protects it in case you decide to change up the look later.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Squirt glue generously on top side of pillow.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Throw wads of fur on glue, pressing gently to stick.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Allow this side to dry, turn pillow over, and repeat, being sure to cover entire pillow surface.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Remove dog hair that is now glued to your fingers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And there you have it. A fresh look for spring without spending a dime. Now stop goofing off and go clean something.</span><br />
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<br />Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-25950369910457104072016-04-06T21:28:00.001-05:002016-04-06T21:28:18.154-05:00Early Birds<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T1qDbUXR-yw/VwW_mJ65BQI/AAAAAAAABD0/QfNDFIcv8jYtr5zxEN9SjsSU3i7P-dcAA/s1600/E.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T1qDbUXR-yw/VwW_mJ65BQI/AAAAAAAABD0/QfNDFIcv8jYtr5zxEN9SjsSU3i7P-dcAA/s1600/E.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">E</span><span style="font-size: large;"> is for Early</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
Hey, it's 9:30 p.m. here, on day 5 of the Blogging from <a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/">A to Z Challenge</a>. I'm winging it. And I'm obviously no early bird.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. —Ben Franklin</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and advertise. —Ted Turner</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Early to bed, early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor. —John Ciardi</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Early to bed, early to rise, good for you, enjoy your prize. —Me</span><br />
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If you're visiting from the A to Z Challenge, please leave a link to your blog so I can visit!Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-84801547773685573252016-04-05T21:09:00.000-05:002016-04-05T21:09:18.331-05:00Dogs. Barking Dogs.<br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fING9JzidP4/VwRoxT4AcHI/AAAAAAAABDM/c_82bdpERm4PhiRdby1gbKGKjfQwF3Q-g/s1600/D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fING9JzidP4/VwRoxT4AcHI/AAAAAAAABDM/c_82bdpERm4PhiRdby1gbKGKjfQwF3Q-g/s200/D.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">D</span> is for Dog.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Not my dog. She hasn’t done anything of interest since we
went to a rescue together to choose another dog and she picked Damcat. It
wasn’t the brightest decision, but at least the cat doesn’t bark.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My neighbor’s dog is a yippy yappy barker. A cute shih tzu
named Chowder, who won’t. stop. barking.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The neighbor doesn’t have a fence and ties the dog out on a
lead. The dog starts barking the moment the neighbor goes in the house. An hour
later, the dog is still barking. It’s usually tied out four times per day.
That’s a lot of barking. It gives me anxiety. It makes me mad. It isn’t
Chowder’s fault. The owner should be chained in the yard.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I’ve tried everything short of going next door and
talking to the woman. Discussing the problem would be the mature thing to do,
but I never said I was mature. I know she can hear the barking dog and doesn’t
care, and I know she knows the barking bothers me and doesn’t care. So what in
the world would we discuss? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Now you’re probably thinking, <i>maybe she has no idea and
would bring the dog in sooner to keep peace</i>. Nope.<o:p></o:p></div>
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On occasion I have stepped outside and said, “Chowder, no
bark.” Chowder looked at me and kept barking. I once offered neighbor who
doesn’t care the option of putting Chowder in my fenced yard once in awhile –
she could run around and even play with my dog. That never happened.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I trained my Coco to stop barking ages ago, using a hotel
bell. The high pitch bothered her, so saying NO BARK while hitting the bell did
the trick in a few lessons. I’ve tried stepping to my deck and ringing the bell
for Chowder. Chowder missed one bark beat and started in again. My dog thought she was in trouble and hid.<o:p></o:p></div>
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One evening after listening to it until I was ready to shoot
bottle rockets at their house, I found my car keys and hit the alarm button. I
couldn’t tell if Chowder stopped barking until I turned if off – those babies
are loud. It worked. Chowder was silent. Two minutes later she started barking
again. My car alarm went off again. Maybe a couple more times.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I didn’t do that again. It didn’t change anything and just
made me look like an asshole.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Two nights ago it started up again, for the fourth time that
day, including the 6 am wake up bark. I’d had it. I went to the deck and
screamed. I’m not a screamer – I don’t like confrontation and I don’t like
loud. But I’d lost it. I screamed until I heard the neighbor’s back door open.
Then I went back in and slammed my door shut.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Yesterday afternoon I was doing dishes when it occurred to
me that I hadn’t heard any barking all day. Not once. I was embarrassed about
my outburst but thought the nightmare might finally be over.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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I glanced out the kitchen window to see the neighbor heading
home on the walking trail. She was carrying her dog. <o:p></o:p></div>
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She carried it to her yard, tied it out, and went inside.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Vq30Eifrph4/VwRs5Eu6aaI/AAAAAAAABDY/-KjqxYKtyUsSEyVjTC6JHPcN1MTbiLG6g/s1600/IMG_6137.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Vq30Eifrph4/VwRs5Eu6aaI/AAAAAAAABDY/-KjqxYKtyUsSEyVjTC6JHPcN1MTbiLG6g/s320/IMG_6137.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Good dog, Coco.</td></tr>
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-79882708089200634632016-04-04T21:41:00.000-05:002016-04-04T21:41:42.690-05:00Damcat Stole the Xanax<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-44MtY5xc-Dg/VwMhpqM2Y-I/AAAAAAAABCk/qMPIkH-9KPU9UfZWLw5SEAL_iJAF6TEFg/s1600/C.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-44MtY5xc-Dg/VwMhpqM2Y-I/AAAAAAAABCk/qMPIkH-9KPU9UfZWLw5SEAL_iJAF6TEFg/s320/C.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">C</span> is for Cat.<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">I went to the doctor last
week. She is a good doctor but also a pill pusher.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">Specifically,
antidepressants and anti-anxiety stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">No matter what the problem
is, she always adds, “You know, depression causes aches and pains. We should
get you started on meds.” And I always say, “No thanks, you know I won’t take
them,” and then toss out the thought that maybe we could work on what I came in
for, to which she replies that maybe anxiety is an issue for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">After being told to arrive
15 minutes early to update paperwork and then waiting an additional 45 minutes
past my appointment time, spending that wait time in the lobby where SICK
people with FLU have waited, finding out what the cash price of my visit was
going to cost me, and then freezing half to death in the exam room while we had
our chat, well yes, perhaps I do have a little anxiety.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">I paid and made two more
appointments and then swung by the pharmacy to pick up the drugs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">When I got home I put the
prescriptions on the kitchen counter and wandered off to do something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">Next day I went to make
coffee and take my anti-inflammatory meds (basically prescription strength Advil
for a $130.00 office call plus the 12 bucks to the pharmacy). The Xanax was
gone. I checked the cupboards to make sure I hadn’t stuck it away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">It was gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">No humans had been in the
house since my doctor appointment, so I asked the cat what she did with my
pills. She gave me the dumbest look, as if she didn’t understand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">I knew she did it. She has a
gazillion toys and just wants to play with mine. Pens, keys, saltshakers,
anything that isn’t hers…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">So I searched under
furniture and appliances. I leaned over the stair rail to see if she tossed the
pill bottle to the basement. The Xanax was nowhere to be found. I hoped the lid
had stayed on and the dog didn’t get hold of my meds, although she could
occasionally use a chill pill.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">I imagined calling the
doctor’s office not 24 hours after getting the prescription and telling them
the cat stole my controlled substance and I needed more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">Note in chart: “Patient may
be abusing meds. Offer antidepressants again.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">Rather than stress over the
missing drugs, which could create the need to take a pill I couldn’t find, I
went about my day and forgot about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">Come bedtime, I snuggled in
with a book and then I heard the cat making a bunch of racket. I tried to
concentrate on my book but the noise was too distracting. I got up to see
what she was messing with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">When I rounded the corner
into the living room, Damcat was curled up on an ottoman pretending to sleep.
She’d heard me coming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">I headed to the kitchen, got
a drink of water and headed back to bed. As I reached to flip the light back
off I noticed something sticking out from behind the wine cabinet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">It was the fortune cookie
that went missing from my lunch. But behind it was a pill bottle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">I picked it up, confirmed
that it was the missing Xanax, and put it in a zippered pocket inside my purse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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to read. Five minutes later I heard a THUMP noise coming from the kitchen. I
wanted to ignore it and doze, but then the wailing started.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">Back in the kitchen, I found
Damcat and my purse in the floor, all tangled up. While freeing the cat before
she strangled herself, I made a plan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">Then I wrapped double stick
tape around the pill bottle (cats hate that stuff) and put it in a Ziploc bag.
Then I put more tape all around the bag. Then I put the bag in a box and taped
it closed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">I found a Sharpie and wrote
XANAX in big bold letters on the box. Then I took the box to the garage and put
it on a high shelf. Then I made a note to myself in case I ever decide to take
anti-anxiety pills and forget where they are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;">At my next visit the pill
pusher will want an update. I’ll tell her I feel much better, but I don’t need
a refill just yet.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kZoacN9H85Q/VwMj6lQ3oJI/AAAAAAAABCw/qFT7UqpEVawM2Eb3gN_2jkXwaPo--VFQw/s1600/IMG_6049.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kZoacN9H85Q/VwMj6lQ3oJI/AAAAAAAABCw/qFT7UqpEVawM2Eb3gN_2jkXwaPo--VFQw/s400/IMG_6049.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #535353; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 13.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-88953205486177807732016-04-02T19:58:00.000-06:002016-04-02T19:58:16.341-06:00Bagging Groceries: It Ain't Rocket Science<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eYRJI8bK5XU/VwBomwYnGGI/AAAAAAAABB8/cPr4x1AUIzEHA6GN7J6fTIgCwlClIwZ-A/s1600/B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eYRJI8bK5XU/VwBomwYnGGI/AAAAAAAABB8/cPr4x1AUIzEHA6GN7J6fTIgCwlClIwZ-A/s1600/B.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">B</span> is for bagging my groceries in a way that won't make me want to hit you in the head with the sack containing 305 pounds of canned goods.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just met Kristen. She proudly bagged my groceries at Price
Chopper. I know she is proud, because the card I found under the bananas says
so.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I placed my groceries on the belt in an arrangement that
should have made it easy for Kristen to be proud. Canned goods together, frozen
items together, fresh fruit and veggies far from raw meat, etc. Easy peasy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was chatting with the checker rather than staring Kristen
down to make sure she did pride-worthy work. Then I noticed she’d bagged the
groceries, but left them on the counter. As I loaded them back into the cart
she grabbed my deli salad and suggested I put it on top. I found that helpful,
as I searched for the bread and eggs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kristen then asked if I’d like help out. I pictured her
walking to the car with me and then watching me load the groceries myself. I
declined.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back at the car, I secured the eggs, bread, and my salad on
the backseat and started placing the sturdier goods in the floor. I noticed a
trail of white liquid from the cart to the carpet, including my shoes. I pulled
the single thin bag containing milk and two cartons of half and half. The small
carton of half and half had been placed in the bag upside down, and the bigger
cartons tossed on top. I set the soaked bag on the pavement, found a towel to mop up,
rearranged other groceries so I could double bag the milk, and pondered whether
I was going back in, hiking to the back forty for another carton, bitching, and
hoofing it back to the car. I decided against this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back home, I toted my loot to the kitchen. The first
bag contained two bananas and Kristen’s card. She did get the concept of like
with like, but may have gone a bit too far. Umpteen canned goods were in one bag.
Fresh sandwich meat from the deli was bagged with raw chicken. Frozen bread
with fresh. All fresh veggies smashed into one bag.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The final bag contained only cut, chilled watermelon. Kristen
did not bag it with the bananas, although they are both fruit. Perhaps she was afraid I wouldn't find her card if placed in a bag with two items.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Good job, Kristen. Be proud. I know I am.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o4XCNv6V4p8/VwBu4le71XI/AAAAAAAABCM/9YBcgadYwpUdgWl2WWuGyYtcZe9xWz0KA/s1600/IMG_6221.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o4XCNv6V4p8/VwBu4le71XI/AAAAAAAABCM/9YBcgadYwpUdgWl2WWuGyYtcZe9xWz0KA/s320/IMG_6221.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.blogger.com%2Fblogger.g%3FblogID%3D5536091631921248431%23editor%2Ftarget%3Dpost%3BpostID%3D8895320548617780773&media=https%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-eYRJI8bK5XU%2FVwBomwYnGGI%2FAAAAAAAABB8%2FcPr4x1AUIzEHA6GN7J6fTIgCwlClIwZ-A%2Fs1600%2FB.jpg&xm=h&xv=sa1.37.01&xuid=ZRgYoceiSuZJ&description=" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; left: 253px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; top: 54px; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.blogger.com%2Fblogger.g%3FblogID%3D5536091631921248431%23editor%2Ftarget%3Dpost%3BpostID%3D8895320548617780773&media=https%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-eYRJI8bK5XU%2FVwBomwYnGGI%2FAAAAAAAABB8%2FcPr4x1AUIzEHA6GN7J6fTIgCwlClIwZ-A%2Fs1600%2FB.jpg&xm=h&xv=sa1.37.01&xuid=ZRgYoceiSuZJ&description=" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; left: 253px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; top: 54px; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a>Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-76883970561897240452016-04-01T08:07:00.000-06:002016-04-01T08:07:30.250-06:00An Abecedarian Insult<br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Up_WMeCwfQo/Vv2RNaSVtEI/AAAAAAAABBk/JEnT_e7RJvIxcDM9F7EH8e9JgitApy98g/s1600/A.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Up_WMeCwfQo/Vv2RNaSVtEI/AAAAAAAABBk/JEnT_e7RJvIxcDM9F7EH8e9JgitApy98g/s320/A.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">A</span> is for Abecedarian.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Abecedarian means arranged in alphabetical order. Blogs
around the world will be abecedarian in April, for the <a href="http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html">Blogging from A to Z Challenge</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve never participated in this challenge. I sometimes
struggle to post once per week. My blog has pretty much zero theme. Can I meet
the challenge? Pick a theme and blog about it daily, for a month? With little
planning?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Probably not, but I'll do the A to B challenge, then the C to D challenge, and see if I can trick myself with such nonsense for a full month. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Here’s an abecedarian insult to get
started, from The Superior Person’s Book of Words by Peter Bowler:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Sir, you are an apogenous, bovaristic, coprolalial,
dasypygal, excerebrose, facinorous, gnathonic, hircine, ithyphallic, jumentous,
kyphotic, labrose, mephitic, napiform, oligophrenial, papuliferous,
quisquilian, rebarbative, saponaceous, thersitical, unguinous, ventripotent,
wlatsome, xylocephalous, yarning zoophyte.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Translation: “Sir, you are an impotent, conceited, obscene,
hairy-buttocked, brainless, wicked, toadying, goatish, indecent,
stable-smelling, hunchbacked, thick-lipped, stinking, turnip-shaped,
feeble-minded, pimply, trashy, repellent, smarmy, foul-mouthed, greasy,
gluttonous, loathsome, wooden-headed, whining, extremely low form of animal
life.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I could have used one of those superior words per day and I'd be all set. But, alas, that wouldn't be very challenging. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I write about <a href="http://writerup.blogspot.com/2016/03/small-town-big-news.html">small town life</a> and editing/<a href="http://writerup.blogspot.com/2016/03/one-nightstand-im-considering.html">proofing tips</a> (will you just stop saying alot?) and whatever else I'm in the mood for. I try for funny. I think a well-timed foul word can be hilarious, but I don't toss them around thinking that will make a piece funny, because it won't. That's the equivalent of adding LOL or HAHA to the end of everything you type. If you have to tell me it's funny, it probably isn't. Enough about me.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So do tell. What are you writing this month? </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VC9yd65qlvY/VviSeNcv56I/AAAAAAAABBQ/aMW2IeIbEOs8a-5bnnhl7fJujUYgVsR8g/s1600/voted2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VC9yd65qlvY/VviSeNcv56I/AAAAAAAABBQ/aMW2IeIbEOs8a-5bnnhl7fJujUYgVsR8g/s320/voted2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">On primary election day in Missouri, top roaming reporter
Debbie Turner was on the scene in Platte County, at the Seven Bridges clubhouse
turned polling place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Numerous (three) people lined the sidewalk outside, all
holding signs saying THIS IS CRUZ COUNTRY. Another man held a clipboard and
asked voters if they’d like to sign something about sales tax for small
business and something else about demanding to know where politicians get their
money. “You know, so you can sleep at night,” he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Debbie caught up with Marjorie Hill as she left the
building, who said, “Damn, if signing those papers will help me sleep, I’m in.
Ain’t had a night’s rest in a coon’s age."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When asked about the lines inside, Mrs. Hill said, “They ain’t
no lines. Twelve people in there, and ten of ‘em are checkin’ ID for the two
voters. Mrs. Hill then pointed to the Cruz signs and added that she wished she
could vote over at the First Baptist, “where they serve cookies and coffee
instead of this crap.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-42559725375207262052016-03-24T23:35:00.000-06:002016-03-26T22:59:55.487-06:00Blogging and One Night Stands<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O8NiNMdO2lw/VvTGGEk_UxI/AAAAAAAABAw/qxJZrQZAQWc78eeNcPGhbelXJ300aylzw/s1600/IMG_6207.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O8NiNMdO2lw/VvTGGEk_UxI/AAAAAAAABAw/qxJZrQZAQWc78eeNcPGhbelXJ300aylzw/s320/IMG_6207.jpg" width="274" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One nightstand</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I'm considering participating in the A to Z Blog Challenge in April. That's a stupid thought, since I have trouble with meeting my goal of publishing to the blog once per week.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I even made notes (alphabetically, of course), using a theme of the most common errors I see while proofreading and editing. My hope is that the posts would help those who need it and provide a little humor.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">For example, for C, or day three, I'd discuss compound words. Like nightstand. Sentence fragments come much later in the month.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">One night stand. One nightstand. If you
search Craigslist for a table to put by the bed, trust me, you want to spell it
correctly. If you’re actually looking for a one night stand and spell it wrong,
you’ll be so disappointed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And W! Or is that S for singular, or P for plural? Oh, my lands! Nobody mixes up man and men, but many mix up women and woman. Why, oh why? Is an extra syllable just too much?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Thanks, Ros, from <a href="http://pushingthebruise.com/">Pushing the Bruise</a>, for making me write this. You know, to see if it still hurts. It does.</span><br />
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-57326470720662780742016-03-06T20:19:00.000-06:002016-03-06T20:19:52.796-06:00Local Man Files Age Discrimination Suit Against Trex Mart<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AfshF_1c2hk/Vtzei5r5qGI/AAAAAAAABAc/8QXbQmJEG4o/s1600/trexmart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="299" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AfshF_1c2hk/Vtzei5r5qGI/AAAAAAAABAc/8QXbQmJEG4o/s400/trexmart.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Credit: newspressnow.com</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Weston, MO<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Robert Beauchamp of Weston, known by everyone around as
Ziggy, has filed a lawsuit, claiming that he was turned down for a job at the
local convenience store Trex Mart due to his age.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The suit comes as a surprise to the people of Weston, because Ziggy has been comfortably retired from TWA since…well, since TWA. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In an exclusive interview with KCTV3 investigative reporter
Debbie Turner, Ziggy said, “Since this is in litigation, I can’t say much, but
I’ll tell ya this. I went in there and got my coffee like I always do, and then
I was scratchin’ a lottery ticket, one of them Monopoly ones, when Jim says, 'Ziggy, you should work here since you’re here all the time anyway,' and I says, 'No, I’d be late ‘cause I never know what time I’ll get around,' and Jim says, 'But people like ya and they’d come by to visit and buy donuts and stuff,' and
then I says, 'Well I can’t stand up all damn day, and I can’t sit for long
either, and I have to feed the cats and dogs them assholes keep dumpin’ at the
home place and you already know if I’m gone too long Millie gets mad and burns
my supper.'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">“Then Jim says, 'But you could get your coffee for free if
you work here,' and I says, 'Get me an application,' and I filled it out best I
could what with my arthritis, except the part about previous employer addresses
and references and a bunch of other nonsense. So I go in for my coffee like I
always do, and Jim never mentions it again and a week later some kid ain't old enough to sell beer is in
there makin’ coffee and sellin’ the donuts. It just ain’t right.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When reached for comment, Trex Mart manager Jim Sutton said, “Coffee. Donuts. I think
we can settle this through mediation.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-size: xx-small;">click here for updates on this story</span></o:p></div>
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-37098944848684843092016-02-17T18:49:00.000-06:002016-02-17T18:49:43.701-06:00Breaking News: Police Investigate Suspicious Package<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yTi9lFbTjTQ/VsT3Rw0FMYI/AAAAAAAAA-s/seCc9fUQKZA/s1600/ups-truck-man-boxes-680x0-c-default.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yTi9lFbTjTQ/VsT3Rw0FMYI/AAAAAAAAA-s/seCc9fUQKZA/s400/ups-truck-man-boxes-680x0-c-default.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
Platte City, MO<br />
updated 6pm<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">KCTV3 EXCLUSIVE UPDATE TO OUR EXCLUSIVE BREAKING NEWS:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">See full exclusive story below this update!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Platte County residents are breathing a sigh of relief tonight after authorities determined that the suspicious package found on Lillian Hedge's porch was an Amazon order.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Hedge, when allowed to return to the scene with her pets, told KCTV3 exclusively, "I'd just got home from my weekly trip to Big John's Bargain Basement, where I buy all my litter boxes and scratch- and- dent cans of tuna and stuff of that nature, when I saw it. I was so frightened, 'cause we're really 'sposed to have no more than three pets over here, and I've been gettin' threatening letters from the HOA, but I ain't giving up none of my pets, and I tell ya, that box was MOVING!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When asked what was in the package, Hedge said, "Well I can tell you there's nothing in it now. It's nothing but trash now." She went on to mention that she did walk away from her computer while browsing Amazon on Monday, and later found paw prints on the keyboard, so maybe a cat used the buy with one click feature. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">"Whew! I'll make sure that never happens again," said Hedge.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
Watch our 10pm broadcast for the latest updates on this story and the one about the teen in Florida who pretended to be a doctor.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d9YGX-UJ6vk/VsUBfSYSCCI/AAAAAAAAA_E/bcsESoIXSgk/s1600/IMG_0267.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d9YGX-UJ6vk/VsUBfSYSCCI/AAAAAAAAA_E/bcsESoIXSgk/s320/IMG_0267.JPG" width="242" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I didn't do it. I hate Amazon.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
BREAKING NEWS EXCLUSIVE:<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">KCTV3 has a crew in route to Suspicious Package investigation in Platte City.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Mrs. Lillian Hedge, a resident of the Fox Creek subdivision off Running Horse Road in Platte County called authorities when she returned home from shopping and spotted a suspicious package on her porch.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Police notified the sheriff's department, fire department, ambulance, bomb squad, ATF, and animal control, which all arrived on scene at approximately 3:35pm, setting off the local coyotes, news crews, and personal injury attorneys.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Roads surrounding Fox Creek are blocked until crews determine whether the suspicious package contains explosives or other threatening substances such as gluten or canola oil.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">KCTV3 spoke to a neighbor, who asked not to be named and said, "We ain't seen this much action since that danged wallaby got loose in 2012. I shore hope Lillian and her cats is okay. I can't get near the officers. Tell 'em I seen someone on her porch earlier. He was driving a brown truck and he was wearin' brown shorts and a brown shirt."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
click here for future updates<br />
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5536091631921248431.post-34656569476601249632016-02-10T15:31:00.000-06:002016-02-10T15:31:57.225-06:00Stop Blaming the Client<br />
<br />
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<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NvXRrONX3S4/Vrq-mnXuUyI/AAAAAAAAA9w/H-i6vxlpDnw/s1600/If-you-don%25E2%2580%2599t-like-being-a-doormat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NvXRrONX3S4/Vrq-mnXuUyI/AAAAAAAAA9w/H-i6vxlpDnw/s400/If-you-don%25E2%2580%2599t-like-being-a-doormat.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Nearly
daily I see someone ranting about being taken advantage of. Today it was
another writer griping about being expected to write for free. He had written
a 650-word sample, then sent a bill, and the client was shocked that he expected
to be paid for the sample. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">This
could have easily been prevented, by the writer either offering his clips as
samples or stating a price up front for a fresh sample written to the potential
client’s specs. Neither happened, and the result was both the writer and the
potential client being pissed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">I
recently received a message from a potential client asking about my editing
rates. She didn’t mention how she found me, or what she writes, or anything
more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">I
replied and offered a free ten-page sample edit, as I always do. This way the
writer can see what I do and determine if it meets their needs, and I can see
if the writer just needs a little help or a lot (and thus set my price), or
even more help than I can offer. After the sample edit, either of us can opt
out, no hard feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">The
next email said the ten pages just happened to be the first two chapters.
That’s all. No further comment. The attachment was sixteen pages.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">I
marked it up, correcting errors and leaving comments about things I liked and
others I questioned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">I
returned the chapters with a pleasant note, and received a response saying that
she was busy but would look at it when she had time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Then
the replies came. Not one email with commentary about all issues, but a
separate email for each beef.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">First
I received a link to a product on Amazon, as proof that her spelling was
correct. I ignored it. There was nothing
I could say in response to using Amazon as a dictionary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Next
came a long explanation of powdered wigs and powder rooms. Then the difference
in buggies and wagons. <i>Oh, that.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">They
kept coming. I received an email saying that she introduced 21 characters in
the first chapter because the book is part of a series (all published, by the
way) and her fans like to know what the characters are up to; another saying <i>her</i> Word
program is set to insert two spaces after punctuation, so something is wrong
with mine/me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">By
then, I was crying, but not because I felt I’d wasted my time or I’d been taken
advantage of. Surely a writer friend was playing a joke on me, and it was
brilliant.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">I
looked her up on Amazon. Indeed, she was real, and the book had already been published, along
with many others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">One
of her (few) reviews said that the grammar issues were so numerous that the
book was difficult to read. The author (and I use the term loosely) replied to
that review, saying that there were no grammar mistakes in the book, and
clearly there was something wrong with the reviewer. However, that book now had
the words<i> Newly Edited Edition</i> next to the title. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">This
was just getting better and better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">The
final email said that her corrections to my errors were completed, and she
agreed with the rest of my suggestions, so thanks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">I
could only respond, “You’re welcome.” I knew she had no intention of hiring me,
and she never had.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Then
she made nearly every change I suggested in those first 16 pages and uploaded
the new version to Amazon. I enjoy imagining her trying to collect enough
sample edits to never have to pay, although she denies actually needing an
editor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">This
experience was odd, outrageous even, but I’m not pissed. Because it was my own
fault. I don’t like being pissed at myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Had
I suggested speaking by phone prior to offering a sample, I would have learned
that the book was already published. I could have determined why she really
wanted me to look at it (if she was truthful). I probably would have learned
that she was argumentative and had no sincere desire to improve her manuscript.
I could have declined prior to spending my time on her project. I could have
done many things prior to offering my time for free. I failed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">I’ll
just call it a lesson. And blog material.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">Years
ago, a mentor said to me that he used to be proud to say he could work with
anyone, but now he was proud to say he didn’t have to. Amen, brother.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: large;">So
whether writing for free (or peanuts) or feeling used and abused in business or
life, think about it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s
true that we teach others how to treat us. </span><span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Debhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14831958648236444729noreply@blogger.com18