Thursday, August 4, 2016

Small Town Big News

Karl Lee Kornacky Gets Committed
by Debbie Turner, roaming reporter

Lifelong area resident Karl Lee Kornacky  checked in at Three Rivers Mental Health Hospital on Tuesday for evaluation and treatment after months of what family and neighbors referred to as “damn strange behavior.”

Karl Lee’s wife of forty years, Debra, said it all started when they moved from their rural place with “room to roam,” and into a maintenance-provided community with a home owner’s association.

Everything was fine until the Kornackys received notice from the HOA that their mailbox, bearing resemblance to a large-mouth bass, violated Section 4.215 of the Covenants and Restrictions, and if said mailbox was not returned to normal standards in the community within 30 days, fines would be imposed.

Mr. Kornacky responded by installing a clothesline (which violates Section 17.938 of the C&Rs) in his front yard, and hanging everything from undergarments to squirrel carcasses to political signs (Section 32.460) on it.

The next notice from the HOA stated that fines for the clothesline and signs would accrue daily until removed, and reminded him that he was still in violation of Section 4.215.

Taking note that there were no rules regarding undergarments and carcasses, Karl Lee removed the clothesline and Ted Cruz signs. Mrs. Kornacky tells us she first became concerned for her husband’s health when he displayed the signs. “Gosh, it’s like he didn’t even know Cruz dropped out months ago,” she said.

Karl Lee then replaced the mailbox with a white, compliant model and stapled the squirrels (tails up, staple at tips) and underwear to the post, in an alternating and overlapping fashion.

The neighbor to the east, Bob Sanders, said, “It was nothin’ to write home about until the wind came up. But then, THEN, it was really somethin’. Danged squirrel heads and they little front legs risin’up and peekin’ over the tops of briefs and through the leg openin’s of panties, and some of ‘em wearin’ bra cups like little hats. I tell ya, it was just like watchin’ synchronized swimmin’, only better!”

The HOA sent a certified letter demanding the mailbox be brought in compliance with Section 4.215 immediately or a lien would be placed on the property.

Karl Lee removed the carcasses and undergarments and left them piled on the curb for trash pickup, in violation of Section 6.559 of the Covenants and Restrictions.

This went on for months, with Karl Lee's antics growing more outrageous with every letter from the HOA.

The Kornackys finally decided to move, but accumulated liens on their house from the HOA made it nearly impossible.

It all ended when the Karnacky children arrived for a surprise visit, and found Karl Lee in the back yard, along with twenty head of cattle, a vicious dog, and  two emus he’d recently purchased at auction.

 “Dad’s a good guy,” the eldest son said. “He just gets a little carried away. As I left his hospital room a while ago, he was asking for three Powerball tickets and a cabochon monkey.”