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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Sometimes the Wrong Words Fall Out







I wonder if there is a term for when we’re talking and think we know what we’re saying, but something very wrong comes out.

Like this:

I once worked for a family business that built fences. Their name started with B, so when we answered phones, it sounded kind of like “Burp Fence. May I help you?”

There were a bunch of siblings that worked there, and the brothers often fought. One day they were screaming and throwing office supplies and books at each other and it was all very stupid.

The phone was ringing, and I grabbed it.

But rather than saying that thing that sounds like Burp Fence, I said “Bulls!#t.” The office went silent. Mortified, I hung up on the caller.

Years before that incident, I was working a switchboard at a temp job in Seattle. I had to page an engineer named Tuk Din, and I didn’t know how to do it without my voice echoing through loudspeakers “TUCKED IN. Line 3. TUCKED IN, Line 3.”

I giggled. Some dude with no sense of humor came to my desk and banged his fist on it and said, “You’d better get it together.”

My sister used to work for the circulation department of a newspaper. On break one day, she read an article about circumcision. When break was over, she grabbed the phone and said “Times P.I. Circumcision, may I help you?” This time the caller hung up.

My sister claims to have no recall of that conversation (it's okay, we all block painful memories) but says, “I still remember a caller saying, 'Why did you just say the words Metro Wilson?' I told him I hadn't, and didn't even know what that meant. He argued with me that he knew I had!

I’ll never know for sure if she said Metro Wilson or not, but that should be the term for the wrong words escaping the tongue.

So tell me. Have you ever had a Metro Wilson moment?  I'll laugh with you, I promise.




19 comments:

  1. Lol, oh god! I don't swear and Robert doesn't either and actually finds it offensive. (I have adult children who used to be teens and so I'm ok with swearing, used to it, but chose not to) Anyway, I had to catch the bus from Oxford to our village with masses of shopping and he said he'd come to get me at Stanton Harcourt if it's raining and to text him. Now who in their right mind will text out the name Stanton Harcourt? So the text went something like this: "In SH it's raining." Honestly, it didn't even occur to me. His face was a picture. :) What are we like?

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  2. Oh, this made me laugh. Thanks for coming by!

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  3. This was a good one. Thanks for sharing

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  4. Hahahahahaha@Veronica! I would've loved to have seen that! And yes.. I too have had my fair share of shits of the tongue or slips of the tongue if you're Veronica and don't swear. ;) Seriously tho when I worked in the mortgage industry we had a couple come in whose name was Mr. and Mrs. Fukyoui - I kid you not! - Pronouced, "fa-cue-ee." Yeah.. It was so much more fun to say fuck-you-ee. :) And, when I knew I was on my way out of working somewhere, resigning, quitting, etc., I would also answer the phone "Pizza Hut" just so everyone would give me those looks like I just killed someone.
    Great post. :)

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  5. Hilarious! I frequently have slips of the tongue or use the wrong words. I also have a slight hearing impediment which lands me in trouble occasionally, such as the time when a co-worker was talking to me but I could only hear every third word or so, so I was using guesswork really to piece together what he was saying. His job was to make the company's communications accessible to people with difficulties such as hard of hearing etc. That's my excuse for hearing 'I'm looking for a deaf sax player', to which I replied, yes I know a deaf sax player, and babbled on for ages about him. It turned out he said he was looking for the deaf text phone. Oops.

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    1. HA! This is awesome. Now I'm thinking of times I've realized I'm talking with someone and we're having two completely different conversations. I once told a guy that I'm a sagittarian too, and he heard vegetarian, and then it got good... Thanks for the hilarious story Andrea!

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  6. I do this too ... am convinced I have a mild case of Tourettes....!

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    1. Oh S@*$&# Susan! Just kidding. Thanks for the comment!

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  7. Ryan and I were walking on Newhaven Harbour and got talking to the man who works there. He asked Ryan where he was from, and Ryan said, "Scotland." I was so shocked I was speechless as I know quite well that Ryan is from Stourbridge in the West Midlands. The moment to speak up passed though. Ryan looked bemused when the man asked if he enjoyed a wee dram.... Afterwards Ryan was completely unaware of why I was laughing so hard - he didn't recall having said Scotland at all. But fortunately the wee dram question confirmed I wasn't just winding him up....

    Very peculiar experience, but I put it down to just being Ryan.

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  8. Ann, that's funny! I really wonder where these things come from, that just slip out. So does Ryan enjoy a wee dram? heh Thanks for stopping by!

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  9. Oh goodness! Ever since my coma in 2013 left me with mild brain damage which causes word finding difficulty, I have some VERY interesting things come out of my mouth. I routinely call the stove a refrigerator, or say the name of the object I'm looking at instead of the object I'm talking about.

    The speech-language pathologist in me finds it fascinating. The impatient New Yorker doesn't have time for this!

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    1. I never would have known this! The words always come out right in your writing. Thank goodness for a sense of humor, right?

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  10. You always make me laugh, but seriously, can you picture the guy's face when he calls and is greeted with the reference to circumcision? Great post!

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  11. I don't know if this counts or not, but when I was a kid (like 4th or 5th grade) I had a problem hearing the difference between 'V's and 'B's in certain contexts. Like someone's name. So when my teacher told me to go to the teacher's lounge and ask for Mrs. Kovitch. . . .

    I'd almost forgotten about that!

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  12. You always give us a chuckle. Having a hearing impairment means I think MANY people have the wrong words fall out of their mouths, and they are completely innocent. You can imagine. My kids and I have had plenty of interesting conversations when I thought they were swearing and they were innocent. Or so they said...

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  13. I'm gonna have to remember that--"a Metro Wilson moment." I want to start answering the phone "Bullsh*t." As always, you kill me.

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