A just released report by the experts at Unemployment
Forever names the top gigs for the flat ass broke. To rank in the top five each
gig had to meet the criteria of being suitable for people living in their cars
as well as those who still have homes, require no particular skills or talent,
have some sort of benefit beyond the pay, and include access to a restroom,
because being poor is no reason to stink.
Participate in a
Clinical Trial
Places such as Quintiles offer opportunities for those with
almost any disorder, real or imagined (“Do you have bacterial vaginosis? PTSD?
Call us today!”) to participate in clinical research trials.
Depressed? Join a
new mind-altering drug trial. Need a good night’s rest? Do a sleep study. Is
your family sick of your antics while on Ambien? Try an experimental drug. It
can’t be worse. Of course if you’re flat ass broke you can’t afford medical
care, so signing up for the role of guinea pig gets you numerous free checkups.
Possibly for life.
Model your Innards
If the clinical trial sounds good but you’re not really into
experiments, try being a medical model. When hospitals and clinics buy new
equipment, they have to train the technicians to use it. Sharon Gutz got a two-day gig lying on a gurney in a sterile classroom,
while the smart guy demonstrated ultrasound equipment (with external probes
only—though internal probing pays a lot more). Again, you get a free checkup
along with the paycheck. Those fancy machines can track a sandwich (provided)
from one end to the other! You may even get a bonus if you are pregnant or have
polyps all over your pancreas or something.
Give a Guy a Ride
Marcus Poore got his business idea late one night after being
awakened by a stranded relative, whose flight was so delayed that the rental
car agencies, shuttle bus services, even taxis for crying out loud, were no
longer running. Marcus went to the airport to give the guy a ride, and met thirty others desperate for a lift to their hotels. Cha-Ching.
Sure,
you’re thinking this is about as smart as picking up hitchhikers, but it’s
actually quite safe considering these passengers have already been cleared by
the TSA to ensure they have no weapons or full size tubes of toothpaste. All
you have to do is hang around a small to midsize airport in the middle of the
night – if you’re already living in your car this is your dream job. Use the
airport restroom to clean up before greeting your desperate pissed off
passengers clients. Offer to carry their luggage into the hotel upon
arrival, and you can grab a free banana in the lobby.
Housesit
Those who still have homes and jobs sometimes leave them and
need house and/or pet sitters. The pay may not be as great as these other gigs,
but the perks are good: A warm bed, a hot shower, and maybe some food in the
fridge. And cable TV. Remember cable TV? Just keep the pets and plants alive
and you can get referrals and repeat business.
Join a Focus Group
Many don’t know that the term Law Practice means that
attorneys actually need practice. Prior to trial, they often arrange focus
groups consisting of a variety of people similar to those who may be chosen for
the jury. Compensation starts at
$20.00 per hour. Pizza and soft drinks are provided to keep you awake and
pretending to pay attention to attorneys pretending to be smart and in court.
At the end you tell them whether you think the pretend prosecution or the
pretend defense won the pretend trial, collect your pay, and…don’t leave... Mingle.
You just might
meet someone that needs a lift to the airport.
