A woman came to the door and I’m tellin’ ya, she’d practiced
her enthusiasm so hard I thought she was gonna have an orgasm on the porch as
she handed me a bag of Tide Pods while saying, “You’re a good neighbor!”
I said, “What are you trying to sell?
She said, “Nothing! I don’t sell anything!” with that
high-pitched excitement.
She wanted to show me how great Kirby is by cleaning my
carpet. I told her I’m buying new carpet and why bother?
As the cat slipped out she said, “Just let me vacuum?” Now
THAT I should have taken her up on. I should have let her deep clean the carpet, actually,
but I’d feel a little guilty accepting a free offer that isn’t intended to be
free at all, even though they lie to you.
She grabbed Damcat and tossed her back in, then said, “Can I
have those pods back?”
My cell isn’t working. I’ll just add it to the list:
AC
Dishwasher
Two laptops
Knees
Master shower (how does everything except one shower get hot water?)
iPhone
***
I had to make a run for dog food and Half and Half again.
They had Clos du Bois cabernet on sale, so I grabbed a bottle. At checkout it
didn’t ring up. I said, “It’s $10.99.” The cashier said, “Shh,” then rang it up
at $3.99. Either he likes old women with bad joints who always look pissed, or he (more likely) pitied me based on appearance.
***
Now I’d add a nice photo of Tide Pods or Damcat or wine, if
things were working. Maybe say Kirby a few more times for SEO.
Screw it. I'll have some wine and vacuum.
I like your priorities! And, I would have understood if you had let her vacuum. Thanks for the chuckle.
ReplyDeleteNext time maybe I'll let them and get called to an emergency between the cleaning and the sales pitch. Thanks for coming by!
DeleteYou have the quirkiest wit, and I both envy and love it. What a great start to the day.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Crystal.
DeleteI think I would forget the vacuum and enjoy the wine!
ReplyDeleteGood idea! Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteOh "Can I have the tide pods back?" hahaha, gosh.
ReplyDeleteDamcat, what a name.
I shouldn't laugh at your expense, because it sounds like one of those days if you don't laugh you'll cry.
This is awesome. To be honest, I probably wouldn't have even opened the door. I would have peeked out from the window while the dogs went crazy in the front porch.
Thanks this was great!
I usually don't answer either. I'm a peeker too, but she saw me, darn it. Thanks for visiting!
DeleteAs always I find myself laughing out loud! What a great read!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Via!
DeleteAt least she bothered to grab the cat. LOL. Wine covers a world of unvacuumed carpets.
ReplyDeleteYes and YES! Thanks for coming by!
Delete