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Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Weirdo Wednesday



A woman came to the door and I’m tellin’ ya, she’d practiced her enthusiasm so hard I thought she was gonna have an orgasm on the porch as she handed me a bag of Tide Pods while saying, “You’re a good neighbor!”

I said, “What are you trying to sell?

She said, “Nothing! I don’t sell anything!” with that high-pitched excitement.

She wanted to show me how great Kirby is by cleaning my carpet. I told her I’m buying new carpet and why bother?

As the cat slipped out she said, “Just let me vacuum?” Now THAT I should have taken her up on. I should have let her deep clean the carpet, actually, but I’d feel a little guilty accepting a free offer that isn’t intended to be free at all, even though they lie to you.

She grabbed Damcat and tossed her back in, then said, “Can I have those pods back?”

***

My cell isn’t working. I’ll just add it to the list:

AC
Dishwasher
Two laptops
Knees
Master shower (how does everything except one shower get hot water?)
iPhone

***

I had to make a run for dog food and Half and Half again. They had Clos du Bois cabernet on sale, so I grabbed a bottle. At checkout it didn’t ring up. I said, “It’s $10.99.” The cashier said, “Shh,” then rang it up at $3.99. Either he likes old women with bad joints who always look pissed, or he (more likely) pitied me based on appearance.

***

Now I’d add a nice photo of Tide Pods or Damcat or wine, if things were working. Maybe say Kirby a few more times for SEO.

Screw it. I'll have some wine and vacuum.






12 comments:

  1. I like your priorities! And, I would have understood if you had let her vacuum. Thanks for the chuckle.

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    1. Next time maybe I'll let them and get called to an emergency between the cleaning and the sales pitch. Thanks for coming by!

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  2. You have the quirkiest wit, and I both envy and love it. What a great start to the day.

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  3. I think I would forget the vacuum and enjoy the wine!

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    1. Good idea! Thanks for stopping by.

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  4. Oh "Can I have the tide pods back?" hahaha, gosh.
    Damcat, what a name.
    I shouldn't laugh at your expense, because it sounds like one of those days if you don't laugh you'll cry.
    This is awesome. To be honest, I probably wouldn't have even opened the door. I would have peeked out from the window while the dogs went crazy in the front porch.
    Thanks this was great!

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    Replies
    1. I usually don't answer either. I'm a peeker too, but she saw me, darn it. Thanks for visiting!

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  5. As always I find myself laughing out loud! What a great read!

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  6. At least she bothered to grab the cat. LOL. Wine covers a world of unvacuumed carpets.

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    Replies
    1. Yes and YES! Thanks for coming by!

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