Friday, June 3, 2016

Note To The House Guest

Debora Palmer's poem, "Note To The House Sitter" is a favorite. I tried to write a standard post about everything that's going wrong just before company comes, but it ended up as a note.

I need to tell you the dog is filthy
because the flaky groomer never shows as scheduled.
Please don’t mention it,
as she (the dog, not the groomer) is highly sensitive.
The cat will ignore you,
until you want to be ignored.
Don’t open the kitchen window –
there are ten wasps trapped between the glass and screen.
The AC in the car hasn't worked in two years.
When June bugs knock on the back door, do not open it.
The howling at night comes from coyotes,
less frightening than the neighbor next door,
who ties her yapping dog out for hours at a time,
and the republicans across the street.
The clothes dryer beeps at random.
You can watch Netflix on the iMac in your room
if you can figure it out.
I highly recommend Grace and Frankie.
That reminds me to stock up.

You’ll need a drink.


  1. This delighted me to no end--in part because I've chased a spider, broken the a/c, lost a shoe, crashed the computer, and I'm sure a few other things I forgot to mention--all in the last few days when I'm supposed to be getting ready for an adventure. I need to stock up too!

    1. Ack! Hope things are improving and you have a wonderful adventure. Thanks for visiting!

  2. This brought sunshine to my rainy day.

  3. You always make me laugh. I have sent similar notes to guests who wish be staying with me, though not nearly as clever. I'll have to refer future guests to this post.

    1. Ha. Warning! Warning! Thanks for coming by.

  4. This was great. Just like you, fun,light-hearted, and with a bit of sarcasm.