I’ve been a real slacker about blogging lately. Easily
distracted and all that.
My neighbor removed the Mitt and Cruz and Trump bumper
stickers from his truck. He’s trying to sell it, and honestly I don’t know why
he bothered removing the stickers because around these parts most fine citizens
would pay extra for that bullshit.
My HOA forbids yard signs, so the neighbors, being clever
buggers, paste Trump signs in their bedroom windows. Why, why, I ask you?
v bgtyte4 hb
Yesterday I visited my local Goin’ Postal. I had an eBay
item to ship and some books to donate for the book exchange (Of course they were for the book exchange. Would you donate books to a cookie exchange?). The owners are
good people and do much for the community—someone in a T-Rex costume is running
around outside as I write this—speaking of being distracted.
So I took my turn at the counter as another customer was
asking the owners if they make political yard signs. The lady helping me said,
“No, just go up the street to Republican, UH…or Democrat…headquarters.” The
customer laughed and assured her she was right the first time. The husband-owner
said, “Yeah, we’re all Platte Countians!”
I cleared my throat, then said, “Can you make a sign that
says, 'Sorry About My Neighbors'?"
The owners laughed, the other customer did not.
***
I read an article about the new updates to MO Stand Your
Ground gun laws just to make sure I understand this. I did. I do. Our lawmakers
and most citizens should be ashamed. Or shot. Oh wait—that could sound like a
threat and I’m not the threatening kind. Make love not war and all that, but
holy baby kittens, things just piss me off lately.
So here are the updates:
* Now anyone in your home can stand your ground. Such a
relief to know that while you’re out shopping for more guns and camo, your
cleaning lady or babysitter or handyman can legally shoot anyone that they feel
is a threat.
* You and/or other defenders of your home and person are no
longer required to have a permit to conceal carry. SMDH.
* You can now Stand Your Ground even if you are not on your
ground. That’s right folks. If you’re out shoppin’ at the Piggly Wiggly and
feelin’ all warm and fuzzy knowin’ your home is safe because the lawn dude is
there and packin’, and while loadin’ up your groceries you FEEL THREATENED
(this is usually defined as “see someone who doesn’t look exactly like you”)
you can shoot them. No problem here in the shoot me state.
This law is called the Castle Doctrine but the guy who wrote
the article inadvertently called it the Castle Coctrine.
Think about that.
***
I invited complete strangers to my home today. It’s common
practice when selling things online to toss the stuff in the car and meet in a
public place for safety. But now they can legally shoot me in public if they
feel threatened by an old woman holding a chrome rooster, right? So what the
hell.
Besides, I have a plan and it’s working beautifully: I post a few nice
items at cheap prices and wait. Today’s first reply was from a man who wanted
to see all items. He sent his number, so I called. His wife answered and asked
if I wanted to meet in public. I told her they should just come and look, as I
had more. So. Much. More.
They took turns making piles of stuff they liked and telling
stories (the tractor slipping out of gear and crashing into the law office
where I used to work was a good one). They filled their SUV and my wallet and
asked me to call them first as I find more treasure.
The next lady came for one $5 item, bought two more, and
messaged later asking if she can come back tomorrow. Yes. Yes, she can.
Mama wants to fund a vacation.
Don’t think of robbing me while I’m gone, though. The pet
sitter might be packing.
