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Thursday, August 28, 2014

Woman Missing For Five Days Found at Four-Way Stop, Waiting Her Turn









Platte City, MO

Marie Goforth, 54, was found safe at 6 p.m. Tuesday, after being reported missing on the evening of August 21st. Her family called authorities after Marie went out to get her eyebrows waxed around noon and didn’t return in time to make their dinner.

When sheriff’s deputies arrived at the home, Marie’s 33 year-old son said, “We had to settle for a frozen pizza.” Her husband, Bill, staring blankly at a pile of dirty laundry, said, “We’re really worried. We don’t know how to do anything.”

Although a massive organized search was carried out, Marie was not found until Tuesday, when a St. Joseph man called police to report that what appeared to be a wallaby was blocking the intersection at Running Horse Road and 130th.

Upon arrival, officers cleared traffic so animal control could do their thing, and when a Buick in the Northbound lane of Running Horse Road didn’t move, realized the driver was Mrs. Goforth.

The woman and wallaby were checked by paramedics and determined to be just fine, with the exception of Mrs. Goforth’s unruly eyebrows.

When asked how long she’d been sitting at the stop sign, Goforth said, “No idea. I just let a few folks go first.”

Animal control took the wallaby to Jackson’s Veterinary Clinic, where all local strays are held, and officers gave Mrs. Goforth an escort home.

Relieved, her son said, “I’m so thankful. And hungry.”

Mr. Goforth said, “Praise God, and I should have known. One time she went round and round the roundabout waitin’ her turn, but that ended the same day, when she ran out of gas.”







20 comments:

  1. Hilarious!!!!!! You have a gift for this kind of thing, m'dear!

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  2. Put a smile on this old teacher's face after a very long day. Wondering how you do it...I've only ever written ONE fictional piece...and it started as non-fiction, but had to be changed to protect the guilty. ;-)

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    1. Thanks, Denise. And that IS how you do it - just take true stupid stuff and change it up a little : )

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  3. I'm dying laughing. I want to live in this messed up town of yours.

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    1. Thank you, Shelley! Glad I made you laugh.

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  5. this was great--I shared it on twitter. Good laugh for this morning.

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    1. Thanks Crystal! Appreciate your share!

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  6. Very funny! I can totally relate!

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  7. Hahahahahaha! I love that her son is 33 and still waiting to be fed!

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    1. We all know one, right? heh. Thanks, MiMi!

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  8. Oh my word. Unbelievably funny! Wickedly creative.

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  9. Now that's funny Deb, made me chuckle right out loud...and not many things do! Thank you for that!!! :-)
    "that ended the same day, when she ran out of gas." Buahahahaha

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    1. Hey Joe, coming from a funny guy, I really appreciate it!

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  10. Oh, I think I have been stuck behind Mrs. Goforth at stop signs! She must get around. I love this - especially the lose wallaby!

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    1. The wallaby was the only true bit here, but it was actually found at the local nursing home. There's another story!

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