The One Thing All Women Who Die Alone Do

You can call me the Enchantress

Last night I was on Facebook and saw one of those “suggested” posts. I usually ignore that stuff.

I mean, if I want to spend money online I’ll go to gap.com or amazon, not the land of nuttiness. I read links from those I follow, but otherwise I prefer to just pick up a book.

But this one caught my eye:

“Women who die old and alone all do this one thing.” 

Yeah, they failed to properly capitalize the title.

It was a tempting headline. I almost clicked. But I saw that new sidebar thing that tells me Bob just scored two points in Words with Friends and Patty likes Jim’s picture and Jill joined a group for people who like to join Facebook groups.

I could not bring myself to read “Women who die old and alone all do this one thing” because everyone would then be notified that I’d read it and think AHA, I knew she was lonely and afraid of dying alone!” 

So I just pondered what that one thing might be that old and alone women do. And how they define “old” and “alone.” Eighty? Ninety? One hundred? Does single mean alone? Or is that reserved for old women with not one relative or friend?

I’m just gonna say I may be of a certain age, but I am not old. I am single, and I live alone, but I’m not alone.

Anyway. What could that one thing be?

Hoarding cats?

Eating at Waffle House?

If they’re alone, how would anyone know what they are all doing?

I had to stop pondering to meet up with my coaching group, and as I got on Facebook to go to group I saw this headline:

“3 Things That Repel Men.” The link was to the same website that knows what old women do when alone.

At first glance I thought it was enchantment.com. 

It was actually enchantmen.com. Enchant Men. Oh boy, now it was pretty clear that by “old and alone” they mean single.

After the coaching session, instead of starting my homework I googled the website so I could get the scoop without it being announced right there next to Cathy watched a cat video!

The articles linked on Facebook weren’t there. It’s just a video. A very long video about how to snag a man.

You know, all the authentic things that lead to lasting love, like what colors to wear, how to pretend interest in boring things he likes, stuff like that. But they don’t give it all away in the video, because they want you to pay for these insider secrets, and that shit ain’t cheap.

It’s 320 bucks, but hey, a low low price to pay to learn how to trick a man into loving the person you are pretending to be so that you won’t die alone because you did that one thing.

Alone meaning single. Not alone.