Monday, June 25, 2012

How to Assemble a Wheelbarrow

I decided to put my new wheelbarrow together, so I carried the big pieces and the box that contained many parts to the living room, and looked for instructions. The only instructions were four drawings on the box flaps, but they were numbered, so how hard could it be?

First you need to know that there are really seven steps, but that’s okay, because with my instructions you won’t need pictures of the three additional steps.

Step 1:  Using shortest bolts, attach wood handles to metal thing. Do not tighten nuts until all parts are together. Done. This is gonna be a breeze. Disregard fact that bolts were inserted backwards.

Step 2:  Fit steel bar into slots on two other pieces of steel. Study picture and wrestle steel for 20 minutes until deciding to proceed to Step Three and come back to this.

Step 3:  Stack and study 84 additional parts that must be properly balanced, aligned and held in place while fitting five inch bolts through bucket and all these pieces. Realize it is not possible for one person to do this, even if the bolt holes had been drilled in the right places. This step also requires the parts from Step Two that have not yet been assembled.

Step 4:  Go to kitchen to see if there is any wine. Sip wine while pondering Step Two.

Step 5:  Review Step Three. Scream profanities while tossing parts around the room. Play with wheel, wondering what else you can use it for since it will never be attached to wheelbarrow. Apologize to wheelbarrow for calling it a piece of shit and pack up parts.

Step 6: Go to kitchen to see if there is any more wine. Chug wine and carry all parts back to garage.

Step 7: Call son-in-law, who assembles wheelbarrow in ten minutes, with eyes closed.

***You may want to print these instructions, as they also work for bikes, patio furniture, and installation of flat screen televisions.

No comments:

Post a Comment