Sunday, March 27, 2016

Small Town Big News

On primary election day in Missouri, top roaming reporter Debbie Turner was on the scene in Platte County, at the Seven Bridges clubhouse turned polling place.

Numerous (three) people lined the sidewalk outside, all holding signs saying THIS IS CRUZ COUNTRY. Another man held a clipboard and asked voters if they’d like to sign something about sales tax for small business and something else about demanding to know where politicians get their money. “You know, so you can sleep at night,” he said.

Debbie caught up with Marjorie Hill as she left the building, who said, “Damn, if signing those papers will help me sleep, I’m in. Ain’t had a night’s rest in a coon’s age."

When asked about the lines inside, Mrs. Hill said, “They ain’t no lines. Twelve people in there, and ten of ‘em are checkin’ ID for the two voters. Mrs. Hill then pointed to the Cruz signs and added that she wished she could vote over at the First Baptist, “where they serve cookies and coffee instead of this crap.”

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Blogging and One Night Stands

One nightstand

I'm considering participating in the A to Z Blog Challenge in April. That's a stupid thought, since I have trouble with meeting my goal of publishing to the blog once per week.

I even made notes (alphabetically, of course), using a theme of the most common errors I see while proofreading and editing. My hope is that the posts would help those who need it and provide a little humor.

For example, for C, or day three, I'd discuss compound words. Like nightstand. Sentence fragments come much later in the month.

One night stand. One nightstand. If you search Craigslist for a table to put by the bed, trust me, you want to spell it correctly. If you’re actually looking for a one night stand and spell it wrong, you’ll be so disappointed.

And W! Or is that S for singular, or P for plural? Oh, my lands! Nobody mixes up man and men, but many mix up women and woman. Why, oh why? Is an extra syllable just too much?

Thanks, Ros, from Pushing the Bruise, for making me write this. You know, to see if it still hurts. It does.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Local Man Files Age Discrimination Suit Against Trex Mart


Weston, MO

Robert Beauchamp of Weston, known by everyone around as Ziggy, has filed a lawsuit, claiming that he was turned down for a job at the local convenience store Trex Mart due to his age.

The suit comes as a surprise to the people of Weston, because Ziggy has been comfortably retired from TWA since…well, since TWA.

In an exclusive interview with KCTV3 investigative reporter Debbie Turner, Ziggy said, “Since this is in litigation, I can’t say much, but I’ll tell ya this. I went in there and got my coffee like I always do, and then I was scratchin’ a lottery ticket, one of them Monopoly ones, when Jim says, 'Ziggy, you should work here since you’re here all the time anyway,' and I says, 'No, I’d be late ‘cause I never know what time I’ll get around,' and Jim says, 'But people like ya and they’d come by to visit and buy donuts and stuff,' and then I says, 'Well I can’t stand up all damn day, and I can’t sit for long either, and I have to feed the cats and dogs them assholes keep dumpin’ at the home place and you already know if I’m gone too long Millie gets mad and burns my supper.'

“Then Jim says, 'But you could get your coffee for free if you work here,' and I says, 'Get me an application,' and I filled it out best I could what with my arthritis, except the part about previous employer addresses and references and a bunch of other nonsense. So I go in for my coffee like I always do, and Jim never mentions it again and a week later some kid ain't old enough to sell beer is in there makin’ coffee and sellin’ the donuts. It just ain’t right.”

When reached for comment, Trex Mart manager Jim Sutton said, “Coffee. Donuts. I think we can settle this through mediation.”

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